Good Evening Readers,
I know it has been awhile since my last post, but I have been busy working and we had a birthday party for Franco and Lucas has gone back to daycare etc, etc. Tonight we went to a Bull's game for Franco. It was great. Even if we were in the nose bleeds!!
I think about the Mrdak's daily even if I don't text them or call. I hope they know that. I miss Anna. Even though she was in our lives for just a short time, you made a huge impact. Always positive, upbeat and ready to take on the world. I know she is watching over Lucas. Shortly after she passed, Lucas pointed to the ceiling and said nanna. That is his word for Anna. He smiled every time he said her name!!! It made me cry like a baby, but he wiped my eyes and said "no". My little bear is more brave than I ever have been. The pain he endures and yet still smiles. His daycare teachers have done wonders for him. They give that small sense of normalcy we yearn for even if it is only a week or so a month that he is able to go.
I haven't cried as much in my life as I have in the last 4 1/2 months. It seems like 4 1/2 years have gone by but the bear just hasn't grown up. My tears hurt. They remind me of the pain Lucas is in and the pain my heart feels every day. The psychological pain I feel and the emotional drain I have. Yet I manage, every day, to sit up, take a deep breath and tell myself to keep going. To not give up. To stay strong for the family, for the bear, for me. And I try my best, I truly do. I know have let them down a few times, but I try, try, try.
I sense a ramble coming on and I have a long day tomorrow and need to find the mental stability to get through it for my lil bear. Good night readers. Thank you for the continued support and walking next to me during this chapter (albeit endless) in life.
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